Ask the Right Questions: How to Navigate Broken Trust and Build Stronger Relationships

I woke up this morning with a vivid dream.

A well-known doctor and prominent church member was at a social event with over thirty individuals, most who had some relationship with him. At a pause in the gathering the doctor spoke up and requested input from the group on how to terminate a business relationship.

A wise man in the group, realizing there were so many questions needing to be asked before any counsel should be shared, spoke up and asked the most important question first:

“Is this the proper setting to be asking for counsel?”

Internally the wise man was contemplating information which would need to be shared to provide any meaningful counsel to the medical professional. Questions like:

• Would more harm be done by a somewhat public discussion of the details around the broken relationship?
• Would sufficient details be shared in a public setting to provide a workable solution?
• What counsel has been sought out already?
• What types of counsel are available to this person?
• Would the counsel include an eternal perspective?

When someone considers terminating a relationship, it implies there was a trusted relationship and trust has been broken between the two parties.

Upon my waking up, an abundance of additional questions flooded my mind.

• Is the relationship significant enough it should be saved? As with family relationships among spouses, children, and parents.
• Is there a time factor where the severity of an infraction requires immediate action?
• Where does one seek help? Privately in one-on-one settings or publicly sharing details with a group of individuals less connected to the situation.
• How does an individual find trusted advisors?
• What is either party’s ability to address the broken trust in the relationship?
• Is there interest to rebuild trust and heal the relationship?
• Is there opportunity for restitution and restoration as the relationship is reset?
• How will people be impacted eternally by how the situation is handled?
• What is the desired outcome?
• How does one love even our enemies in these difficult situations?
• Will there be sufficient transparency to share the details during discovery to reveal the root issue(s) and best course of action for everyone involved?

As with most problems in life, solving problems begins with asking the right questions to get to the real issues needing to be addressed.

This dream and blog reinforced to me Michael Pink’s advice to “Never tell someone something when you can ask them a question.”

We build relationships more by asking questions and listening than by sharing information.

Let today be a day for you to improve your relationships by asking great questions.